


Wolfstar Year to Year (engl)

by EliasFinn



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Animagus, Best Friends, F/M, First War with Voldemort, Friends to Lovers, Hogwarts, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marauders' Era, POV Remus Lupin, POV Sirius Black, Pre-War, sorry no happy ending, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2017-06-08
Packaged: 2018-11-09 11:51:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 12,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11104017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EliasFinn/pseuds/EliasFinn
Summary: Its the story of Remus Lupin , the boy who is cute as fuck and Sirius Black, hot as hell and about their time at Hogwarts.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Wolfstar year to year](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9367178) by [EliasFinn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EliasFinn/pseuds/EliasFinn). 



> So, I finally translated this work into english.  
> To begin with: english ist not my native language and I'm absolute sure, that you will find a lot of grammar, spelling and whatsoever mistakes. I would really appreciate if you could help me to get ride of the mistakes.  
> Apart from that I wish you a lot of fun, Kudos, remaks and constructive criticism are always welcome ;)
> 
> By the way: If you good in german and you want to read the original:

First Year – **Sirius Black** – 1st September 1971

 

Sirius threw himself on the big bed of James, on which now some clothes were lying and looked slowly around.

The room was round, and there were four large four-poster beds on the walls. Between the cozy beds were shelves and small tables, where they could do their school duties.

In the middle of the room stood a small coal-fired pool, from which a pleasant warmth emanated. The whole Gryffindor tower was decorated in red-golden colors, and he liked it really well. It was warm and welcoming and he, somehow, felt really comfortable for the first time in his life.

 

In this room, three more boys would sleep, and they just introduced themselves, and he said, stretching his legs as if he had always been here, “Sirius Black.”

The chubby boy named Peter looked at him horrified, "Black, like the BlackBlack family?”

Yes, Black as the famous evil wizarding family, he thought ashamed. He was not like his family, he was different. He was merely Sirius Orion - unfortunately - Black and he returned with a sarcastic grin on his lips, “Black, yeah like BlackBlack.”

 

And then he saw the boy at the window. He had two books in his arms, and on the narrow face, there were as many freckles as stars in the sky. The honey-colored curls fell into his big, round eyes, beneath were dark shadows. And although he looked exhausted and sickly, his eyes sparkled, and they reminded Sirius of his cousin Andromeda's amber colored ones. Nice, he thought.

 

“I'm Remus." he whispered, and one of the books almost slipped out of his arms," Lupin.”

 

Remus Lupin, funny name, thought Sirius as he was watching the boy unpack his old, fringed suitcase. Every move was as planned. Quietly, without haste, as if he were afraid. Afraid of what? He had rolled up his sleeves, and Sirius could see some scars on his arms. Bright, silver already healed. Pink, bluish, fresh. What had happened to him?

 

“Do we want to play something? So to get to know each other?" James asked, grinning broadly into the group. Sirius had already met the young Potter on the train and found him really cool. He had the same humor and similar views. They had eaten the same things and laughed about the same things. When the Sorting Hat on Sirius's head had loudly shouted "GRYFFINDOR," James had thrown both thumbs in the air and had shoed him a broad smile, and Sirius had sat down with a delighted grin at the applauding table. This would certainly not please his parents.

 

“Sure, let's play something. Snap exploding? "Sirius said and sat up again.

“What exactly is this game?" Lupin asked, looking nervously from boy to boy.

“You don’t know Snap Exploding?”

The boy shook his head and came slowly, deliberate steps, closer and sat down with the others. Sirius could now see some small scars on his face and neck as well and the cloak he was wearing was at least twenty years old and entirely worn out.

 

He felt sorry for him.

 

“By Merlins Beard, you don’t know that? What have you been playing with your friends all these years? "James shouted in surprise, shaking his head in disbelief.

Remus bit nervously at the lip, “Chess?!”

Sirius could see at the short shrug that the boy was lying. His little brother Regulus also always looked like this when he was telling tales.

Did Lupin not have any friends?

Sirius hadn’t had any, too, but he had his brother and his cousins to play. Not that he liked them very much. Especially Bellatrix, the evil bitch. No, it was just the opposite.

"Come," he said, patting at the free place next to him, "We're playing the first round together, and I'll show you the rules, okay?”


	2. Chapter 2

First Year – **Remus Lupin** \- 8th September 1971

 

It was already dark and apart from the continuous snoring Peters, quietly in the dormitory of the new Gryffindors. The moon was still full in the sky, but he was already taking off again. Fullmoon had been on the 5th of the month, on a Sunday.

Remus Lupin lay utterly motionless in his bed. Tired and exhausted. He had already been to Hogwarts for eight days, and although he hadn’t spent two nights in the dormitory, he had become accustomed to the presence of the other boys after a few days. To the dull snoring of Peter Pettigrew, a small chubby boy with a strong south-western accent.

To the deep inhales of James Potter, a lanky boy with scrubby black hair and also to the boy with the steel-gray eyes and the black curling hair.

Sirius Orion Black, also to him and his quiet breathing, Remus had become accustomed to. It had not been difficult to get used to the other boys. They had him right at first evening.

 

Remus had pulled his curtains so that he lay in his big, soft bed as if in a small, cozy cave. But it was included a good one. He snuggled deeper into the pillow and pulled the blanket up to the small ears when he heard it.

 

At first, he wasn’t sure whether he had perhaps deceived himself, but there it was again. Then he heard the sound clearly. As he pointed his ears, he could hear a soft sob. A nose was raised loudly and suffocated crying. The pillow or a blanket seemed to dampen it. When after a while the sobbing did not stop, Remus stood up quietly. Barefoot he followed the sound and stood before Sirius bed, whose curtains were drawn. This is the first time he has them closed, Remus noticed.

 

“Sirius?”, his soft voice sounded higher in the night than usual.

 

“Go away!” said the other boy with a stifled voice and cleared his throat. But once stood up and out of bed, Remus couldn’t be discouraged. Carefully, he pushed the curtain aside, climbed into it and pulled it back behind him. It was hot in the four-poster bed, as the body warmth of the other boy had jammed.

 

“What do you want Lupin?”

 

It was so dark that Remus couldn’t see his face, but he felt Sirius’ cold feet on his knees. Without much thought, he crawled to his head, accidentally kicked him in a rib and excused himself frantically.

 

“Why are you crying?”

 

“I'm not crying!” replied Sirius with a brittle voice and Remus could feel that he finally sat up completely and tried to suppress the tears, which did not succeed. He made a sound like a wounded animal and Remus felt tears as he suddenly felt Sirius’ head against his shoulder.

 

When they were sitting side by side for a while, leaning their backs against the headboard of the bed, Sirius tears shed, and he told him in a whispered voice of the howler he had received from his parents.

 

The Blacks were an old, pure-blooded family, for decades their ancestors visited Hogwarts. And he was the first Gryffindor ever. Instead of a Slytherin. A disgrace, a disaster, he should be prepared for a beating. He'd dishonor the family, the unwanted son. He also talked about the abuse he had received earlier because he was not like his family wanted him. Not as radical, not as strict. With the flat hand, with the walking stick of his grandfather, with the belt.

 

“I'm afraid.", Sirius confessed quietly.

 

Remus, now cuddling under the blanket, took the boy's arm, stroked his shoulder soothingly and muttered to him, “You don’t need to be afraid. You are safe at Hogwarts. Here they can do nothing to you. Not here.”

 

And although both boys knew the school year would end and Sirius had to go back there, the black-haired boy felt safe. After a long time, they fell asleep, face to face, hand in hand.


	3. *

Second Year - **Sirius Black** \- 22nd September 1972

 

"I know what you want to say, but believe me. Something's wrong with Remus.", Sirius said gravely, pulling a curl behind his ear.

Peter groaned, "Do you really need to start with this again? His mum is just sick, so he has to go home. And now let's finish this stupid essay for Poisons before Slughorn makes toads of us tomorrow.”

 

Sirius bent back over his parchment, though he had already finished. Why did they not believe him?

“Maybe Sirius is right. “, whispered James and Sirius arrogantly raised an eyebrow, “I mean, isn’t it strange that he has to go home every month?”

Peter shrugged, "Seems to be serious, maybe Mrs. Lupin is dying?”

 

Sirius groaned and leaned back in the chair, "But not every month on a few days, you nitwit! Besides, did you look at him afterward?”

Peter now pushed his schoolwork to the side, “Well, yeah, he is always drained and sometimes he has injuries. But before we speculate couldn’t we just ask him?!”

 

“You can’t just ask about something like that. You do not do that!”, James hissed.

 

When Remus Lupin came down the stairs to the common room, the others fell silent.

 

“See you guys.", he waved with his hand exhausted and walked with hanging shoulders down to the portrait of the fat lady.

Sirius and James looked at each other, and both grinned broadly, "Do we have by chance the same thing in our minds?”

The other one nodded and stood up, "I'll just take the cloak, you wait for a moment.”

“What?", Peter now looked utterly lost.

“Well, what about Pete? We do not ask, we follow him!”

 

When, sometime later, all three of them were squeezed under the cloak of invisibility from Mr. Potter, following a little Remus Lupin and one of a worried Madam Pomfrey to the whomping willow, Sirius became suddenly uncertain.

Shouldn’t they had just asked him? Remus was finally their friend, perhaps he would tell them the truth.

 

Madam Pomfrey waved the wand for a moment, and the willow held still.

“From here I can go alone. I should hurry. It is not much time until it starts." said Remus and Sirius could see the horror on his face because of the bright moonlight. She nodded briefly, put a hand on his head, "My brave little boy.”

And then turned around to hurry her way back.

  
The three followed Remus quickly through the hole in the earth. The willow above them had begun to whip again. Remus sprinted as if something were going to follow him. Sirius suppressed a small laugh. In fact, something followed him, and before they could reach him, he went through a door which then snapped shut behind him.

 

James reached for the latch, but it did not move. Sirius pulled the cloak down and put an ear on the door, “Remus? Everything all right with you in there?”

And only a short while later they heard a loud whimper, followed by a long-lasting, mark-shouting cry that turned into a deep rumbling.

“What do you mean what happens in there?", James whispered anxiously. Sirius’ blood froze in his veins. His guess was confirmed when he heard the yowling and an energetic scratch on the door.

“It's full moon.”, whispered Sirius horrified, “Remus is a werewolf.”

 

A loud, bestial whine sounded behind the door as Remus wanted to confirm the said words and the boys looked at each other in alarm. They heard Remus - or what he was at that moment - scratch at the door, throw himself against it, yelped, howled, whimpered.

 

He could smell them and probably hear them as well.

 

As the sun rose, they heard Remus scream again, and suddenly the animal sound became so incredibly human.

 

He cried.

 

“Sirius? James?”, They heard his shaky voice, “Pete? Are you still there?”


	4. Chapter 4

Second Year - **Remus Lupin** \- 23rd September 1972

 

Remus ran up the stairs to the boys' bedroom, slammed the door behind him, threw himself on his bed, which he had been living for over a year now and drew the curtains behind him.

No, he did not want to talk to them. They knew it. James, Peter and Sirius knew it!

 

It.

 

That he was a werewolf, a monster, a beast. He could no longer be their friend, they would hate him. They would ostracize him. They would tell everone about it and he had to go back home. Never come back to Hogwarts. Everything was ruined.

 

A hoarse, painful sound came from his throat. He was so tired and exhausted. Fullmoon was only a few hours ago and he could hardly keep to his feet. A new wound bled at his waist and his whole body ached.

He heard footsteps and soft voices on the other side of the curtain and he screamed again and again, "GO AWAY! I'm a monster. Please go away! <<

And after a while they disappeared.

 

Remus didn’t know how or why, but he felt asleep and meanwhile it was in the middle of the night. He could see through a small gap through the curtains the moon high and brightly lit in the sky. He hated the moon. He hated him so much. He made him to something he did not want to be. To a monster who wanted to murder and was full of madness. Who was after blood and could let terrible things happened.

 

Then he heard softly steps. Someone walked barefoot over the stone floor and before Remus could send him forward, Sirius climbed to his bed. He knew it was Sirius. None of the other boys had ever come to his bed before, but Sirius often came.

 

If he dreamed badly, when he had received a letter from home again, when he was worried about his little brother or if he could just not sleep. Without saying a word, the other boy crawled under the warm blanket and stretched his cold feet against Remus' calves.#

 

"Go away, Sirius.", Remus protested with a powerless voice. He wanted to turn away and crawl to the other end of the bed. Far from a best friend. He wanted to be alone.

 

_No, I no longer want to be alone._

 

And tears shot him into the amber-colored eyes.

 

But Sirius grabbed him by the arm and pulled him into a hug. He sighed softly in his friend's pajamas, while he only stroked his back and murmured over and over again, “We do not care. You are our friend. You're cool. You are not a monster. You're NOT a monster, Remus! I do not care. Anyway, Remus. I do not care. We are friends. I do not care. Fuck shit no matter!”

 

When the last tear finally vanished, Sirius wiped his face dry.

 

“Do you know Rem? You are so cool.”

 

Remus punched him lightly in the side, "Stop! You have no idea, Sirius. I could kill you, I could make you to something like that. This is not cool, I'm not cool!”

But he black-haired only laughed, "But really. With your books and your sweaters and your little fluffy problem.”

They both laughed. Sirius as a barking dog and Remus stifled, nasally since his nose was clogged because of the loud crying.

“Look, I brought you your favorite chocolate.”, Sirius opened the chocolate and held Remus a bit in front of his nose. He put the piece in his mouth and sucked with pleasure and they both had to laugh again quietly.

 

When they were serious again, Sirius put his arms around him and whispered, "We are the Marauders. We're your friends and we're so fucking fucking fuck do NOT care that you're a werewolf. You are one of us.”

 

So they felt aslept with their arms wrapped around each other, forehead to forehead, silent muttering, "You are our friend and not a monster. You are valuable. You're cool, you're .... you're.”

 

And Remus felt valuable and cool and as a friend and not so unspeakably lonely.


	5. Chapter 5

Third Year - **Remus Lupin** \- 24th december 1973

 

Remus, surrounded by a few books, lay warmly packed on his bed and read. It was the evening before Christmas and it had now become ice cold in the dormitory so that he lay with his face to the coal pool in the middle and had packed his feet in thick, self-knitted wool socks of Mrs. Potter.

 

Suddenly something struck him with full force and Remus was surrounded by thick black curls, which blocked his view.

 

"What is that, Sirius?", he hissed, as the book he had read had now a torn side.

 

Sirius, who rolled down from him and lay beside him on his back, grinned at him impertinently, "In a few hours is Christmas and you just read your book instead of playing with me!”

 

Remus pushed his elbow into his side, "You could have said something. Look, now you broke my book, moron!”

 

He stood up and collected the books that had been spread around the bed after Sirius's attack. Sirius turned quickly, leaning his chin on his arm and saying, "I'm so bored, Moony!”

 

They were alone.

 

James and Peter visited their families over Christmas and it was true. Remus had been spending more time with his books since the beginning of the holidays, instead of with his best friend. He looked at Sirius and the gray eyes looked back. Stubborn, loving and Remus had to smile.

 

“Sorry. Ok, what should we do?", so he said and grinned at the boy on his bed.

 

Suddenly, Sirius jumped up, jubilated, and brought under his bed two butterbies and packed presents.

 

Remus made big eyes, "Where did you get them?”, but Sirius just laughed his barking laughter and pressed one of the bottles to him.

 

“We play. I ask a question about me, if you answer them wrongly you must drink, if anwser correctly you can open one of the gifts, ok?”

 

Remus just nodded, took out his presents and sat down on his bed in the tailoring seat.

 

"So," Sirius said, taking a sip from the bottle, "How many cousins do I have?”

 

Remus groaned, "This isn’t fair Sirius. Your family is huge.”

 

He shrugged his shoulders, "Drink.” and Remus, not delighted, drank.

 

“What is my favorite book?”

 

Sirius raised his hand, "Too easy, Moony, really too easy. Hobbit from this Muggle-Author.”

Remus groaned and gave him one of the presents that his parents had sent for Sirius and Sirius snapped it open without hesitation.

 

A cassette of the Muggle-band, Pink Floyd "Dark side of the Moon"

“Fuck man, Moony, that's awesome!"

 

He exclaimed, pressing the smaller werewolf into a hug and instead of continuing to playing, he put the cassette in the enchanted recorder and let it play.

 

He gave Remus a small gift and winked, "Is nothing special, but maybe you like it.”

And Remus Lupin liked it so much that he nearly overturned his best friend as he put his arms around him. From his favorite author Tolkin, it was a tied edition of “The Lord of the Rings”.

 

“Do you like it?”

Remus nodded, speechless.

 

And Sirius took the gift of the Madauers, his friends. A black leather jacket. He put it on instantly, his face turned away. So that the tear could not be seen.

 

And they lay shoulder to shoulder, next to each other until late into the night drinking butterbeer and listening to the _super-punk_ songs (as Sirius meant) of Pink Floyd.


	6. Chapter 6

 

Third Year –Sirius Black- 9th January 1974

 

Sirius sat on the small, uncomfortable chair beside the bed in the hospital wing. In his hand he held The Lord of the Rings and two tables of chocolate. He looked down at the sleeping boy.

 

Remus had changed in the last two years. He had grown taller, his face more prominent and his hair more curly. He was also the first of them to get problems with the voice and also he was the first one with hair under the arms. Probably due to Lycanthropy.

 

But now he looked so small and fragile. His exhausted face, pale as the pillow, dark purple violet eyes under his eyes, like always after the full moon. It was not fair that he had to fight with it, thought Sirius as Remus slowly opened his eyes.

 

“What are you doing here?" he asked in a sleepy voice that broke immediately.

Sirius waved the chocolate, "Could not sleep and because I know you'll always wake up so early, I thought I should come over right away.”

 

Remus straightened up and bit off the chocolate immediately, "HMM, you are my hero.”

Sirius laughed and leaned on the bed, "You’re always welcome, Moony.”

Suddenly, Remus flinched and the black boy  looked at him with serious eyes, "Were you back tonight?”

 

Sirius scratched his neck nervously. Sometimes, he followed Remus into the corridor and waited on the other side of the door until the sun rose and Remus turned back.

 

"Are you stupid, Sirius?", the boy hissed now, “What if something goes wrong? I don’t want you to get hurt. What if I change you?”

 

“I know I know. But- ", Sirius whispered and sat down on the edge of the bed," But you're always quiet when someone is there. And you have fewer injuries. I don’t know, but I can’t leave you alone.”

He looked at Remus urgently, but he shook his head furiously, "You must promise me never to come back. Please, I could not forgive myself if something happened to you or the other.”

 

“Moony.", Sirius sighed softly, "I can’t promise that, but we have an idea.”

 

Remus frowned and looked skeptically at his friend.

 

And then Sirius told him of the plan that they wanted to become an animagus. For weeks, the three other boys had been in the library and had researched.

 

“As an animal, you can’t do anything to us and you wouldn’t be alone anymore. We could help you.”, Sirius said softly and now climbed completely beside Remus, so their shoulders were touching.

“Besides, it would be damn cool.”, he laughed, “Imagine what we could do?”And although he could not convince Remus completely, he agreed at some point.

 

“ Snap Exploding?", Sirius asked him, but Remus shook his head."Give me the book. I'm almost done.”

But his hands trembled so strongly that Remus could not read in peace and disappointed frown was showing on his face.Sirius, who could never see his best friend unhappy, took the book from him and sighed. “And so it happened. Sam Gamdschie married Rosie Hüttinger in the spring of 1420 ... “Not long after Remus’ head slid on his shoulder and Sirius could feel the warm and steady breath on his throat and smell the chocolate. He put the book aside, cuddled closer to Remus’ cold body and pulled the blanket over them both. When he nearly fell asleep, he heard a soft murmured, "Thank you, Sirius.”He smiled and slept, his nose buried in the soft curls.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

Fourth Year – **Remus Lupin** \- 13th november 1974

 

It was late at night, when the door to the dormitory was opened and Sirius slipped into it. His hair a wild mess, under the leather jacket bare chest and his gait somewhat uncoordinated.As quietly as possible, he moved around, but instead of getting into his bed, the 15-year-old came to Remus.

“Ey, Moony, are you sleeping?", he whispered and Remus could smell the sharp of firewhiskey and something else. A light, sweet perfume. Instead of waiting for an answer, Sirius got into his friend's bed and pushed him into the side, "Moons, wake up, mate.” Remus turned to Sirius, "What do you want, Sirius? It’s in the middle of the night, nitwit.”

Sirius pushed him to one side and lay down beside him, "Merlin, Moons. I did it.”His voice smoky, dark, excited.

“Done what?", Remus asked with a trembling voice, though he knew exactly what his best friend would tell him. Sirius turned to his side, resting his head on his hand, and said softly, "I had sex.”

“Well, how nice for you. Now let me sleep.", Remus muttered, closing his eyes. He tried to breathe, but the smell of perfume, cigarettes and alcohol gave him a queasy feeling in the stomach.

Sirius would not be Sirius, however, if he would be satisfied with this little interest. He drew the curtains shut, leaving Remus slightly panic. Damn, the stench would last for sure for several days in his bed. He groaned and sat in a vertical position, "Ok, Sirius, who was it?”Actually he didn’t want to hear it and he felt his stomach pull painfully together. Jealousy.

Sirius' voice almost broke, "The little blonde, from Hufflepuff. Helena McGregory, you know her? The one with the jeans jacket. Damn, Moony that was really... smashing.”

“Ecxellent. And now? Are you a couple or what?”

“Merlin forbid.", laughed the other, stretching out the long legs over Remus’. And so they sat and Sirius told. About the firewhiskey, the music, about Helena McGregory with her lavender colored eyes, her wide lips and what she had done with them to him. From her little hands and laughing, he laughs softly, roughly, excitedly. And Remus laughs, too, also excited and, well, the other excited, at the pictorial representation of his description. 

“And you, Moony? What about you?", Sirius asked suddenly, putting a hand around his friend's shoulder. Remus laughed his quiet, mysterious laughter and moved away from him. “What’s with me?”

Sirius grinned at him broadly, "Have you?”

The smaller one still shook his head, laughing, "I have not even kissed!”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously!”

Before Remus could say anything, Sirius sat down in front of him and pulled him to his knees. Alcohol, darkness, and a soft mattress caused him to waver, but he managed to keep his balance.

 

“Do you want to try it out?”, Sirius voice brittle and Remus noticed that he was trembling. He was now too close to his face. Remus could feel his breath on his cheeks.

 

“Sirius, don’t be stupid. You are totally smash ...”

He stopped, as Sirius put a hand on his neck and pulled him to him. Lips on his lips and his mind instantly gone blank.

 

Then his world crumbled and remained for a time under red, golden, silvery sparks. He could barely  breathe, Sirius's tongue drove slightly over his lower lip. Sharply, he sucked on air and opened his lips hesitantly. His hands buried in Sirius' hair, he replied the kiss. Hungry, demanding, hot breath in his mouth and Sirius slid closer to him. Knee between his legs, one hand in Remus' neck to pull him closer and closer. The other hand grabbed his hair like a drowning man.

 

When Remus felt an familiar pulling in the lower body, he knew that this kiss with his best friend was something triggering in him which he should never feel, he whimpered softly.

 

And Sirius left him breathless. As the world continued to spin, Remus opened his eyes and his best friend grinned at him broadly, "So, now you've got the first kiss, Moony.”

 

He dropped backwards and Remus lay down. Sirius slept on the shoulder and shoulder, while the other boy lay awake for a long time. Feeling soft lips on his, warm hands on his neck and the firework in his stomach. Damn it!


	8. Chapter 8

  
Fourth Year – **Sirius Black** \- 16th December 1974

 

No matter what he did, Sirius couldn’t concentrate on anything. He wanted to do sugar in his coffee and scooped up eggshells. He wanted to turn the table into a pig and transformed Marlene McKinnie's hair purple. He fell from the broom while training. He had forgotten his bag after divination and had to rush all the way up again.

 

Everything went wrong and it was just because he could not concentrate!

 

The others had joked that it was probably because of the fuck with Helena McGregory, why his thoughts floundered. Because he thought about sex all the time.

 

But Sirius knew better. The sex had been nice. They had laughed together, then kissed and then he had entered her while lying on a sofa. It had been good, he hadn’t embarrassed himself and she had said that she liked it.

 

No, the problem was that nothing happened inside him, nothing at all. Not like the kiss with Remus.

 

When the sleepy boy had given his little, mysterious laugh and had confessed he had never kissed anyone, he had folded a switch in Sirius' head. Without thinking, he had put his lips on Remus'.

 

The fireworks in Sirius's interior, tingling on his skin and drawing in his abdomen had left him speechless, breathless. After that, he had fallen back, his arm on his mouth so Remus could not hear the excited sigh.

 

At first Sirius had thought it was due to the hormones. That he had only been with Helena for the moment and he was craving more. It wasn’t enough to left him satisfied.

 

But when Sirius caught the sight of Remus the next days, his soft hands, his long neck and his eyes fixed on the soft, round lips, he knew it couldn’t have been his desire for Helena or any other girl at all.

 

And when the first dream had come, his body on Remus', silent sighing, Remus' smell and Sirius groaning and as much aroused as never before he woke up. Angry, ashamed, frustrated.

So he had satisfied himself with so much anger. The pain was stinging in his eyes. All the time he thought about Remus, about his mouth and what he could do with it.

 

What is happening with me?, he wanted to yell. He is my best friend!

 

He felt terrible. He was not such a guy who likes to be with other guys ....was he?

 

“Hey, Sirius, is your mind already between two soft legs?”, he heard a voice, sitting in the great hall for lunch.

 

“Shut up, James!”, he hissed and the burning on his cheeks became even worse. He got up and went into the dorm without another word to lay down in his bed. He also didn’t answer when the others came in and wished for a good night. He threw himself in his bed, sleepless, afraid to dream of HIM again.

 

Then Sirius heard Remus stand up and wanted to come to him.

 

Piss off, Sirius wanted to hiss, but he didn’t bring it over his lips and when Remus lay beside him, without asking questions, he relaxed slowly.

 

Sirius could feel the warmth of the other and that alone was enough to get his body minding his own buissnes. For feared that Remus could feel he was aroused so he tried to keep his distance.

 

“I'm cold.", Remus said softly and without thinking again, Sirius pulled his best friend close to him. So he stayed still until Remus breathed evenly. Without wanting to, Sirius began to stroke his neck, his back, his arms and his lips as delicate as the wings of a butterfly moved over his forehead and cheek. He did not dare to kiss him properly.

 

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Chocolate, musk, forest, wild. How much he loved this smell. How much he loved him.

He was lost, Sirius knew when he snuggled was close to Remus.


	9. Chapter 9

Fifth Year - **Sirius Black** -19th september 1975

 

Sirius opened the door, followed by James and Peter, "Remus, we did it! WE ARE FINISHED!”

Remus sat on his bed, a fat book on his legs and slowly looked up, "What finished?”

 

“Think hard, Moony. Your not dumb, are you?”, James laughed and hopped excitedly in front of him as Peter closed the door behind them, “If you want, we start, yes?”

 

Sirius tuned in loudly, clearing up the completely confused, dreadful Remus, "We're done with the transformation to animagus. We made it. Pete and James have already changed. Do you want to see ?”

Remus threw his book carelessly away, which made the other three boys laugh again, "NOW?!”

And Peter stood in the middle of the room, muttered quietly, and disappeared.

“Where is he?", Remus exclaimed excitedly and Sirius bent down to pick up a small, light-blond rat. The rat tail wriggled around his wrist and squeaked loudly. After putting the rat back on the bed, Peter turned back and sat wide-legged in front of them.

“CRAZY! "Remus cried,"Damn crazy!”

 

“Now me!”, James stepped forward, repeated the spell in a trembling voice and before they could blink, a stag stood in their dormitory. Remus stepped up to him with bright eyes and held out his hand, "At Merlin, James. I didn’t know you could be so beautiful!”

 

A sudden stab in Sirius' stomach and he tried to laugh uncertainly as he patted James' long neck. His friend shook himself and turned back.

“Guys, next time do not do pet me, yeah?”, his voice sounded serious, but the sparkled eyes and the wide grin on his face, punished his words lie.

“And you Sirius? What is your animagiform?", Remus asked.

 

Sirius shrugged, "No idea, Moony. Have not tried it yet.”

"He wanted to make it with you.", laughed Peter, still sitting on the bed and holding a box of Berty Bott’s Beans in his hands.

“Really?", Remus whispered and Sirius' face instantly became hot. He nodded and stood at James place.

“Let's start.”

  
Sirius was nervous. He knew that the transformation would hurt and he still didn’t know what his animal shape was.

 

Like a Patronus, the wizard couldn’t influence his form.

 

What if I am a piglet?

 

Remus smiled his wonderful smile and Sirius took a deep breath. The pain was indescribable. His skin burst open, his bones broke. He wanted to scream, but no sound came out of him. He knew it would be over soon and if Remus could get on with it every month, it was nothing for him.

 

When he opened his eyes eventually, he saw only the legs of the others. He took a deep breath. All odors were so much more intense.

 

Oh at Merlin, Moony smelled so good. He tried to look down and get a glimpse of himself, but the only thing he could see was lots of black hair.

Remus had gone to his knees before him and grinned at him broadly, "Sirius, you're a dog!”

Sirius wanted to answer, but only a rough bark came from his throat and when Remus fondled him behind his ears, he felt his tail begin to waggle. He heard James and Peter laugh and jumped on Remus' bed. The soft nose in the blankets and the pillow buried, he breathed deeply.

 

Remus sat next to him, "Don’t you want to change back?”

Sirius growled and put his head on Remus' knee and hit him with his paw. Remus took it in his hand, shook it lightly. "Well, Padfoot, are you staying like that?”

And so they got their names.

Peter became Wormtail, since the long rat tail looked like an earthworm.

James became Prongs, who carried the crown as a deer with much enthusiasm.

And Sirius became Padfoot.

 

  
When Sirius opened his eyes, it was dark in the dorm and he could hear the quiet breaths of the others. They were all asleep, except for Remus, who was lying next to him. Sliding his long fingers through his fur.

"You're so soft.", he whispered and smiled at him. Instantly his tail hit the bedcloth in a restless rhythm and Sirius cursed it.

Damn, the fucking tail just betrays me.

But Remus only laughed, very softly and sadly.

“Thanks.”, his voice trembled and Sirius could see the tears in the big eyes, “Thank you so much for doing this for me.”

Sirius crawled closer to him, nudged Remus cheek with the damp nose and licked it.

“You can’t imagine how lucky I fell to have you.", Remus said softly as he pulled him closer and closed his eyes. Remus’ heartbeat in his ears, loud and clear, Sirius slept.


	10. Chapter 10

End of Fifth Year - **Remus Lupin** \- 13th june 1976

 

It was mid-june and in a few days the summer holidays would start.

It was very hot in the dormitory and Remus sat at the open window and peered over the landscape. His face full of new scratches and blood under his nails. It had just been fullmoon and a terrible nausea came over him. It was so stifling that he could barely breathe and the lukewarm breeze didn’t make it any better.

 

He had almost done it. It had almost happened. And his world stood still.

 

“Moony?", Sirius' voice was low, trembling. It was otherwise quite quiet in the dormitory of Gryffindor. Remus had been alone. He did not react.

 

"Remus, please, I …", he had never heard this voice of Sirius before. Shy, broken, begging. Slowly Remus turned around. His complete body hurt. Every movement ached, every thought burned in his heart, "Get out, Black!”

 

Sirius stood with haning shoulders at a distance from him and his pale face had lost any spark of laughter. Remus could smell his fear and it disgusted him.

 

Moony in him wanted to show padfoot that everything was all right. That they were still a pack, but Remus, who now had the upper hand over his body, did not want to.

“Moony, I ...”, but Remus interupted him, “Do not call me this name ever again.”

Sirius' hands hovered helplessly in the air, he shivered, "Please, Remus, you must believe me, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.”

He wanted to take a step toward the young werewolf, but a deep, bestial rumbling held him back. His hands went through his pale face, "I'm so sorry, I didn’t think.”

 

“As usual, Sirius.”, now Remus jumped up and took a step forwards to his once friend, “You have only thought of yourself. Can you imagine what could have happened?”

 

Remus' hands were trembling with rage, his voice was a deep growl, his teeth tightly compressed, his eyes narrowed to dangerous slits.

  
“SNAPE Could Have Died!”, he yelled at Sirius, “DAMN. And it would have been my fault!”

 

Sirius had led Snape to him. Had told him how he could go through the whomping willow and Remus had almost murdered him after his transformation.

 

Sirius had betrayed him. He'd betrayed their friendship.

 

“YOU NEVER THINK ABOUT ANYONE OTHER THAN YOU, isn’t it right, SIRIUS?”, Remus took another a step toward him, "Damn, that's me. I am the thing in this body at fullmoon. If someone would have been hurt, then I did that. Don’t you understand? You could have made me a murderer. Or worse, Snape to a werewolf.”

“Remus, please, please, I'm so sorry.", Sirius took a big step toward him and tried to grab him by the shoulder, but Remus pulled himself away. Instead he hit his friend in the face with his fist and they fell to the ground with a loud rumble. Immediately, blood flowed out of Sirius' nose and spread over his shirt and Remus leaped at him, slamming at him with hatred, anger with grief.

“SHIT, SIRIUS. I TRUSTED YOU! ", he shouted as he struck again and again.

Sirius did not resist.

"I THOUGHT YOU'RE MY FRIEND.”

“Please, Remus. I am your friend. I am your friend. "Sirius saw the tears and the bloody scratches of the last transformation in Remus' face and wanted to wipe them away, but Remus slapped his hand away.

The door to the dormitory was torn open and James bursted in with Peter. James grabbed Remus by the shoulders and pulled him off the black-haired teenager. He put his arms around Remus’ trembling chest, spoke calmly to his ear. Remus' so gentle eyes sprayed with hatred and an unspeakable cold lay in the room.

 

Sirius sat on the ground. The head between his knees stuck and repeated again and again, “Oh Merlin, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Remus. I am so sorry. Shit, damn. Crap. Crap!”

He had lost him, the young Black knew. He had lost everything and a hoarse sobbing came from his throat, "Shit, damn! Sorry,..so sorry.”


	11. Chapter 11

Sixth Year - **Remus Lupin** \- 16th october 1976

 

“Maybe...you should forgive him.", James said, putting an arm around Remus, but the bigger boy shook his head. He looked over to Sirius, who leaned against the wall, indifferent, with dark eyes and a pale, angular face. His eyes closed.

“He is really sorry. He has changed since then, Moony.”

 

Remus sat up slowly in his bed. It had become cooler and the air smelled of snow. He liked this time of the year. He was never really cold, because of the werewolf blood in him. And the winter months cooled him, his temper and his blood, which was always rushing.

He looked around in the dormitory. Peter was snored loudly like always. Over the years, he had become louder.

James had closed the curtains of his bed and probably put a silence spell over it, so that he could calmly “think” about Lily.

Sirius lay curled up in his bed. The curtains as always only partly closed, his face facing the window and thus also Remus.

 

_“Shit. Shit, damn. I am so sorry.", Sirius was sitting on the floor, his face pale, blood and tears streaming. Remus wanted to hit him again. He had trusted him …_

 

The memory of the evening after the incident rushed over him and his heart was beating violently. It was still strange to see him again, to be near him again. Sirius was always stressed and unsure, since then.

 

The first day after the summer holidays back in the dormitory and Sirius in front of him had been like a blow to the stomach. The other boy had just looked at him, his lips slightly open, as if he wanted to say something, but he couldn’t produced any sound. Remus had turned away from him, set up his books and pulled the curtain behind him. Unable to say or think clearly, let alone breathe deeply. And Sirius had stood there for a long time, silent and hands clutching.

 

Sirius' face twitched, he moaned softly. One leg stuck out at the side of the bed.

Remus had watched his former friend at night. He was haunted by nightmares almost every night. Sometimes he woke up, breathing flat, his eyes wandering through the room full of fear. Sometimes, however, he didn’t wake up and became calm at some time, but never relaxed. Even now, Sirius' face did not look completely relaxed. The eyebrows slightly contracted, the lips firmly pressed together. His hand, which hung over the edge of the bed, twitched uneasily, and Remus could hear him murmur, "No. Please. I'm so sorry.”

 

Remus stood up softly and walked towards the boy, who was now about to throw himself. Cautiously, he sat down on the edge of the bed and wondered whether he should let Sirius keep the nightmares.

“Moony, please. No.”, Sirius groaned softly and stomped the blanket completely from himself. Although Remus knew that he was always half-naked, the sight of the bare chest covered in sweat, was a shock. He briefly considered what to do. How should he wake him up and chose the old, well-known way.

 

Remus climbed into the bed, drew the curtain almost completely shut and put a hand on Sirius' cheek and the other on his chest, "Wake up, Padfoot.”

 

Startled, Sirius opened his eyes and backed away. A pitiful sound came from his throat, the heart under Remus' hand was racing like mad.

“You're dreaming badly.”

“Yes, thank you.” he gasped, wiping the sweat from his forehead.

Slowly Sirius tried to sit up. There was an unpleasant long silence until Sirius' breath had calmed down and he whispered softly, "Damn, I'm so sorry I didn’t want it all. You're my best friend and I've ruined it. Please don’t hate me, Remus.”

His voice became more frantic and he nearly surrendered.

Remus drew the curtain slightly aside, so that a little more light shone through them.

“I do not hate you.”

 

For a long time, in a whisper voice, they were talking. Talked of their summer. How painful and lonely Remus had been in the two full moon nights. But also that he had met a Muggle girl from the nearby village, with whom he had been dancing a few times.

 

Sirius told him how he had finally moved away from home. To James and his parents, who had welcomed him like a lost son. There he had finally seen something like a real family life. And even though he felt that after all what happened, he had not deserved it.

When the tiredness came over him, Remus wanted to get up again and go to his bed, but one hand closed around his and his world crumbled a second time.

 

“Please.”, Sirius cleared his throat, "Please stay with me, like the old days.”

Hesitantly, trembling, now with a furious heart, Remus turned around and wondered if he should dare. For a moment, he had felt as if nothing had ever happened.

“Moons? I am so sorry."Sirius whispered, his voice breaking.

 

“I know Pads.”

 

He wrapped his arms around the body of the young werewolf, pressed his face into his chest and his shoulders twitched suspiciously.

Remus gently stroked the dense curls and took a deep breath. Sirius smelled of sweat, sleep,

aftershave and the leather jacket. He smelled as always and yet everything had changed.

He felt his legs on his and Sirius' breath on his neck. The fingers on his back and a cozy goose bump spread over Remus' whole body.

 

“I missed you Padfoot." he whispered so softly that it was almost impossible to hear.

But the animagus had heard him clearly and his head shrank.

“Me too.”

 

Slowly, very carefully, he put his warm hand on Remus' cheek and his lips on the other.

And Remus' poor heart exploded into a thousand pieces. He could not breathe, not move. His whole body began to tremble. The heat that ran from Sirius' body, the gently moving lips on his. The bare chest at his, the heart throbbing violently. He didn’t know if it was his or the other.

 

The kiss became firmer, more demanding, almost aggressive. The hands in Sirius curl. He became hot and cold and his legs began to tremble. He opened his lips slightly as Sirius' tongue drove over them and moaned softly. Sirius one pulled him closer to him, one hand on his neck, the other on his chest. Sirius pushed his body against him and Remus sensed Sirius arousal, the seething heat and that he wanted him. His beautiful hands wandered under the shirt and lay on Remus' bare skin, which seemed to burn.

 

Remus stiffened under that touch.

 

Damn it. Damn, what was he doing? But wasn’t it what he wanted? All the years since the kiss?

“Stop.”, Remus suddenly groaned and tried to gain distance, to get a clear head, “Let go. Sirius Stop.”

 

Immediately Sirius draw apart, "Oh Merlin, I'm sorry. I didn’t want to. I'm so sorry.”

Sirius sat up quickly, moved to the other end of his bed and breathed heavily. Frantaticlly tried to control his breath.

 

Sirius' silver-gray eyes looked frightened, his hair turned away from his head in all directions, his cheeks slightly reddened and his lips swollen from the kiss.

Remus had to smile involuntarily. He was so beautiful.

 

What did he want? What should he do?

 

And Remus decided not to do anything. He leaned back in the pillow, moistened with perspiration, closed his eyes, and said, "You are one of my best friends, Padfoot.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there we go: first warning.  
> Its about suicide thoughts, so maybe it could be a trigger.  
> Please, if you have issues with something like that, be careful and dont push yourself.

Sixth Year - **Sirius Black** \- 4th april 1977

 

As the door closed behind them, Remus smiled tormented. That night was full moon and his whole body was already shaking with pain.

James and Peter had to deal with a tough detention with professor McGonagall because of a stupid prank.

So for the first time since the incident with Snape, Sirius was alone with Remus on a full moon night and he was nervous.

 

“How are you Moony? "he asked quietly, though it was the stupidest question he could ask. So stupid that Remus laughed briefly, but then hissed loudly.

“It hurts, as always.”

The face pale and pain-distorted. It tore Sirius’ heart over and over again to see him suffer so much and that he couldn’t anything about it.

 

Slowly Remus took off his shirt and when he didn’t got his pants up, he growled furiously. During the full moon he was always irritated, aggressive.

 

“Wait, I'll help you.”, Sirius went up to him and opened his pants without further comment. His fingers briefly touched the smooth skin of Remus' belly and a shudder went through Sirius' body. He put his arms around his friend, felt his heart beat against his own chest and Remus' irregular breath in his neck. He replied the hug, but whispered softly, "You should change. It will start soon.”

 

And he was right.

Now the moon shone brightly into the Shrieking Shack and his whole body began to shake. Sirius let go of him and turned into Padfoot.

Not a moment too late. Remus had already gone to his knees and let a faint whimpered escape from his throat. His hands clasped his shoulders, he rocked back and forth as his body began to deform. The noisy owl after the change was deafening, but Sirius loved it.

He loved Remus, he loved Moony, he loved the smell, the whine. That Moony always tried to dominate him, the running, the mutual fur care.

It was his reason why he was a dog. Dogs were the best friends. Dogs were most closely related to the wolf. He belonged to him, he was his pack.

 

They were close to each other as the moon went down and Remus body began to shake again. The backward transformation was always quicker, but as equally painful as the first transformation.

Sirius often stayed until Remus was a man again. When he lay defenseless and naked on the cold floor of the shack. He always turned back immediately and helped his friend.

 

Also on this day. As soon as Remus lay on the ground in his human form, Sirius turned back and reached for the ceiling. He supported the younger one, took him to the neat, clean bed and laid the blanket on his shoulders. Then Sirius fetched his clothes and helped Remus slowly into his pants and into his shirt.

 

With tender fingers he buttoned the shirt as carefully as he could. Remus' skin was always very sensitive and every little touch hurted was like a fire.

Then he sat down beside him and waited.

 

Remus shook his shoulders and his whole body was shaken with violent sobs.

 

“Moony?”

“Why can’t that stop? Why can’t this shitty life finally stop? I am so sorry. I can’t, Sirius. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to live anymore.”

His words met Sirius like a blow. He became sick and he could barely breathe. He tried to gasp, but it was as if strong fingers were around his throat.

 

“I don’t want to live anymore!”

  
“Shut up, Moons!”, Sirius yelled, all of the sudden scared and he stood up, “REMUS JOHN LUPIN! Don’t you dare! Don’t you dare to say such a thing again.”

 

Remus raised his head and looked at him with his brown eyes, frightened and defeated at the same time. He looked so fragile. So wounded.

 

Sirius knelt in front of him on the ground, "Please, Remus, never say such a thing again.”

 

He knew that Remus thought about dying often. When he was sitting on his bed and was looking out the window or in the common room. He could read it in his eyes.

 

Once on the astronomy tower, he would almost have taken the step if James had not held him by the shoulder. He almost jumped.

 

Sirius knew Remus was thinking about suicide, but he hoped he'd never would do it.

 

An indescribable fear came over him and he felt stunned.

“Please, never do that.", he reached for the narrow face and took it between his hands,"Please, do not do this to me. It would kill me!”

 

“There is no future for me.”, Remus whispered and his eyes were empty, “I will never be able to do anything in my life. No decent work, no family, nothing. What am I supposed to do here?”

 

And Sirius knew he was right, but he hoped for better times, for a better future.

 

"You have me and I'll never leave you, do you hear me?”

 

His eyes widened, his mouth opened and Sirius wanted to kiss him so badly, but it didn’t belong here. So he just said, "I will never leave you and you can stay with me.”

 

“Do you promise me?", Remus' voice was trembling and Sirius nodded.

 

"Of course I promise you. You and I, promised, forever.”

 

Sirius took him in his arms, pressed him tightly, breathed deeply, and whispered, "You are precious, Remus, when do you finally learn it? You're all worth it and you've earned ALL the happiness of this world, damn shit. Moony, please, please don’t do anything like that. I’ll always stay with you. Promised”

 _I never want to live without you_ , thought Sirius and his heart was heavy, _I love love love you_.


	13. Chapter 13

Seventh Year – **Sirius Black** \- 28th december 1977

 

The Gryffindor common room was empty, except for a small group of the seventh years. There were the Madaurers, Lily and her friends who had gathered at the fire and had been playing "truth or dare" for some time. There was alcohol and other goodies from the kitchen.

 

Since this year full moon was at christmas eve, Sirius and the others had stayed at Hogwarts and had helped Remus over the heavy night. It was one of the worst transformations they had ever seen. It was probably because Remus had clung at his human existence that night especially.

 

He sat next to Sirius, wearing a large, soft jumper and in his hands a hot chocolate with amaretto. His nose and cheeks had become a little red because of the alcohol and his eyes sparkled mockingly.

Sirius couldn’t look away, not even if his life depended on it.

 

“All right, Lily?"said James, who had already drunk enough for a lifetime and grinned at the headgirl,"Truth or Dare?”

 

She grinned back, not nearly drunk enough to pick up dare, "Truth, of course.”

 

“Do you want go out with me tomorrow?”

 

She took a deep sip from her butterbier and then grinned, "Huh, sure, why not, Potter?!”

 

James' facial expression slipped and a somewhat mundane smile spread to it. Lily then turned to Remus, "Truth or Dare, sweetheat?"

 

He laughed loudly, "Dare, Lils.”

 

“Kiss the people in tise room, which you like the most.”

 

His face grew redder and he seemed to be thinking for a while. When Remus turned to him, Siriuss heart stopped. His hands were sweaty and he gasped softly.

  
Gently, Remus put his lips on his. His eyes wide open and what Sirius could see in it, let a pleasant shiver trickle down his back.

 

He could smell the chocolate and the alcohol and, of course, Remus. His whole body shouted at him and immediately he felt a little itch in hisclower region.

 

Smiling, Remus left him and asked, "Marlene?"

 

But Sirius was no longer listening. Remus had kissed him infront of everyone else. He meant the most to him.

 

The blood rushed in his ears and ...

 

“Hey, Sirius, everything ok?”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Didn’t you listen, it’s your turn.”

 

“Oh, sorry.”, he stood up, “But I call it a night. I am totally wasted, go to bed. See you tomorrow, guys.”

 

Without waiting for an answer and completely ignoring James protests, he climbed up the stairs to his dormitory.

 

He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself.

 

 _Damn it. Come down again,_ _will you,_ _Padfoot_ , he tried to soothe himself when the door behind him opend again, “Pads, all right?”

 

Remus' voice was louder than usual and he held onto the wall for support. Sirius turned back to his bed, took off his shirt and trousers and only wanted to crawl under the blanket.

 

“Yeh-.”, Sirius had to clear his throat, "Yes, of course. All good. I'm just tired.”

 

Then he felt the soft hand on his back and a simmering heat drifted through his body.

 

“Really everything all right?”, Remus rough voice in his neck and the hot breath on the bare skin and he couldn’t held himself back. Sirius wanted him so much.

  
“Please Moony, I just have to lay down and sleep.", he squeezed out between his clenched lips and brought up all the willpower to disengage himself and lie down in his bed.

 

“All right.", Remus said, turned around and went back to the door. He cleared the light and Sirius was waiting for the familiar squeal of the door, but it did not come. Instead, he heard clothes rustling and softly, naked feet on the floor.

 

“Slide over, Padfoot.”

 

_Oh Godric, it will kill me._

 

But Sirius slipped over and sat down in his bed. Remus pulled the curtain shut behind him and slipped under the blanket.

 

“What's the matter, Sirius?”

 

He could feel Remus' bare skin on his arm and leg and he held his breath. Slowly he counted from 10 backwards and at 0 he said in a stifled voice,”I can not ......”

 

And Remus moved closer, his hand on Sirius' chest. Sirius knew if he were still a little closer, Remus would feel his erect penis poking the leg, so he was trying to get away from him. He felt Remus' warm breath on his face like a warm summer breeze,”Padfoot?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“What is happening to us?”, he sounded frightened, insecure, and Sirius wasn’t feeling much better in the inside, which is why he honestly replied, "I do not know anymore.”

 

Remus' warm hand lay on his cheek, he stroked his hair out of his face and although it was pitch dark, Sirius could see the expression on Remus' face. He stroked his forehead, his temples, down his cheek, into his neck, and there his hand lingered. "Will you kiss me, Sirius?"

He gasped, "Yes.”

  
“Then please do it before I change my mind. Just tonight, yeah?"

 

Remus's voice was quite rough, quite different from what he knew. Full of pleasure.

 

Sirius leaned against him, conecting their lips, his tongue in his mouth, his hands on the other's body. Maping, tasting, feeling it.

 

As Remus walked down with his mouth and his soft lips embraced his cock, Sirius groaned loudly ………….…

 

Sirius jerked awake, breathing heavily. Crap! It was just a dream, again.

 

He heard the laughter from the common room and knew that the others were probably still celebrating. He turned around, and suddently another body was pressing against his and he gave a load shriek.

 

“Everything ok, Padfoot?”, asked the sleepy voice of Remus, who was lying next to him, though completely dressed.

 

Sirius moved quickly away from him, so Remus could not feel his stiff cock, “Merlin, You scared me to death.”

 

“Sorry. I could not sleep because it was so cold and then I thought….I'm sorry, should I go to my bed?", Remus sounded apologetic.

 

“Nonsense, Moony. You just scared me.”

 

“Ok. Did you just had a nightmare?", Remus whispered and moved closer, “You were moaning.”

 

“Eh - no. No, not a nightmare.”, Sirius was sure Remus must feel the hard flesh now, but the werwolf didn’t moved back. Instead, he murmured slightly, cuddling closer to him.

 

Sirius took a sharp breath and tried to calm down again. This whole situation was mad and it took him an eternity until he slipped into a light sleep.

 

He wasn’t sure if the hand, which suddenly closed around his hard penis and carried him to heaven, was only a dream again or reality. But it didn’t matter to Sirius.

 

This time he would not wake up again.


	14. Chapter 14

Seventh Year – **Remus Lupin** \- 21st may 1978

 

It was loud and hot in the Gryffindor common room.

The graduation party of the seventh year and the victory of the last quidditchmatch - which at the same time meant that they would receive the trophy this year- heated the mood extremely and loud music boomed through the tower.

 

Remus looked around with mixed feelings.

 

There was Sirius, a glass of firewhiskey in his hand, singing to David Bowie's songs.

 

Peter was sitting by the fire with a fifth-year girl, talking and casually holding her plump hand in his.

 

And James, the hero of the game, had his arms tightly placed around a particular red-haired. A small smile on his lips as Lily whispered something in his ear.

 

But Remus saw his friends, his companions of the past few years, not only like they looked now. He saw their childish faces when they had introduced themselves in the dormitory almost seven years ago.

 

_“Peter Pe-Pe-Pettigrew." the small, sturdy boy stuttered with the mauled brown hair and waved to everyone._

_The tall, slender boy with squared glasses, just emptied his bag on the four-poster bed, "I am James Potter. My parents were already in Gryffindor. So I’m totally cool to be here.”_

_“Sirius Black.” The other boy with the black curls, the aristocratic nose and steal gray eyes, jumped on the bed beside Potter, stripped off his shoes._

_“Black, like the BlackBlack family?"Peter broke out and looked at him admiringly. Sirius just grinned, "Black, like BlackBlack.”_

_And then all three boys saw him. Two books in his arms, he muttered softly, "I am ...-“_

 

“Remus? ", a familiar voice on his ear and as Remus turned, he looked into the glassy eyes of his best friend.

  
“Yes, Sirius? ", he asked, while the other one put an arm around his shoulder.

 

“You look so nostalgic. Remember the first day?”

 

Why did this guy always knew what he was thinking? It was so creepy.

 

Remus nodded and leaned against him, "I'll really miss this.”

 

"Come Moony, let's get out of here. It is way too hot and noisy here.", the older man whispered, pulling him up the stairs to the dorm where the loud music could still be heard. They sat down at the open window on Remus' bed. Back to back and Sirius put his head back in his shoulders so that his curly hair tickled Remus' neck.

 

“The last seven years have passed terribly fast. Crazy, right?”

 

The werewolf nodded, a lump in his throat. For a long time they didn’t speak. Enjoy only the fresh air and the proximity of the other.

“Moons?”

 

“Hmmm?”, Sirius climbed around him and sat down between Remus' long legs, which he had stretched out in front of him and the look became eerily serious, "There is actually a war out there and - and who knows what will be in five years.”

 

He rubbed his neck nervously, tugging at his shirt and stammering, "What I'm trying to say is that we can’t know what the future will be alike and I'd want…, damn Merlin, this is hard. I don’t want to regret not having dared anything.”

 

“Padfoot, what are you talking about?”

 

Storm gray met amber brown, a warm hand on Remus' cheek, which suddenly felt too hot.

 

"I just don’t want to be your best friend tonight, Remus. I want to know how it feels and tomorrow everything will be as always. Just once in my life please? "

He bit his lower lip slightly. Unsure, but the courage of a true Gryffindor, he leaned forward and put his lips on Remus'. At first slowly and sweet as honey he moved his lips, but as Remus put his hand on Sirius' chest, the kiss became more daring, more intense.

  
Sirius reached for his neck, his long fingers buried in the his soft locks and pulled Remus closer to him. As he stroked the soft lips with his tongue, Remus sighed softly and finally returned the kiss.

 

Remus burned. His lips, his tongue, every inch of skin that was touched by Sirius and his heart beat faster and faster. He had never felt so alive, yet, never so unsure and secure.

 

Under his fingers, he could feel Sirius' heart racing like mad and played a crazy symphony.

 

Remus' hands wandered further down, under the shirt and his fingers fondled the smooth, hot skin. Sirius groaned into the kiss and Remus world crumbled a third and last time for his life.

 

Sirius pulled back for a moment and tugged his shirt over his head. The muscles on the chest and belly moved under the skin and as Remus, this time much more insecure, touched him with the fingertips, a heavy goose bumps appeared on it.

 

The gray eyes glanced down at him, but there was something else in his eyes.

 

He wants me, Merlin, he wants me!

 

Remus suppressed an aroused groan, instead his gaze followed by his hands explored Sirius' body.

 

Questioning Sirius pulled at Remus jumper, "I shut the door right and you take that off?”

 

After a moment, Remus nodded hesitantly.

 

Quite slowly, while Sirius closed the door with his wand and put a silence spell on the room, he undressed. The cool night air swept across his naked chest and he tried to hide his scars.

"Leave it, Remus. I know your body.”, Sirius rough voice to his ear and the soft lips caressed him on the neck, the shoulders, on the jaw. It was true. Sirius knew every flaw of his body. Every month after full moon, he stayed longer until Remus was a man again. Naked, defenseless, wounded. Sirius knew him and wanted him anyway and that gave him courage. Shyly, he dropped his arms.

Sirius was standing in front of him, his gaze wandering over his body, "Damn, you're so beautiful, don’t you know?”

Remus felt the blood burst into his cheeks and ashamed he looked down. Immediately, Sirius' arms lay around him and now feeling the naked body on him, let his heart stutter. Sirius' lips wandered over his mouth, his cheeks, caressed every part got to touch. He kissed every little scar, stroked it with his thumb and murmured again and again, "You are so beautiful.”

When he reached Remus' hip, he groaned loudly. The hands buried in Sirius locks, he followed every movement and his legs trembled so much that he could hardly stand still.

"Do you want-" Sirius snapped, kneeling before him, "Do you really want that?”

Deep inside of his belly, a storm broke and everything gathered.“Yes.", he breathed, his voice darker than ever before.

Sirius stood up, his mouth on Remus’, he pushed him onto the bed and knelt between his legs. Slowly he stroked from his neck to the waistband and lingered there, heavily breathing. As Remus pushed himself against him, he laughed softly and opened both of their pants. The subsequent kiss, the hands on the other's body, was no longer gentle, no longer sensual. This was hungry, aggressive, challenging and as Sirius' hand covered his penis, Remus cursed loudly and imitated his movements.

“Oh my ... FUCK!” His already crumbling world exploded into a thousand individual parts and behind his flickering eyelids it became black.

 

Remus lay on his chest, as the Black boy go through the honey brown hair affectionately. Both still naked and struggling for breath, the hearts still racing.

“I already wanted to do that when I stole your first kiss.", he whispered fondly and the warm breath hit his cooling skin and a shudder went through Remus. He rolled back to him, kissed Sirius chest. He tasted salt on his lips.

“Me, too.”

“After Christmas…it wasn’t a dream, right?”

Remus laughed briefly and he looked ashamed at some point, "No, it wasn’t. I was so sorry that I was next to you and you couldn’t change anything about your delicate situation. I'm sorry I didn’t wake you.”

“Crazy man! "Sirius murmured with a happy grin on his face.

And like all this years, but also not quite alike, they felt asleep. Naked skin on naked skin, hand in hand, lips on lips.


	15. Chapter 15

And the next morning, as Sirius had promised, everything was almost as before.Except for the secret glances, the short, gentle touches of the hands as they walked side by side or Sirius' gestures which left a burn heat on Remus' skin and let his head fly high.

When, for the last time, they got out of the Hogwartsexpress in London, Remus finger found Sirius' and he softly whispered to him, "I'm glad we dared and I think we should repeat this tonight. Maybe with a little bit more mouth.”And funnily enough Sirius' cheeks turned bright red.

When, a few weeks later, he got a magical tattoo of the moon, stuck directly under his chest where the heart lay, he thought of Remus wonderful smile. The moon changed with the real. He would never miss a full moon again.

 

When he and Remus finally had a real night together, his whole life changed. He had never been as happy as he was in this time and he would never be this happy again. They moved into a small apartment together and Sirius could hold him in his arms every day. For the first time Sirius felt like he had his own family. Not like the Potters, who loved him like a son, because that was something different. This was just for him.

When the war came to the climax and one could no longer be sure whether a werewolf was to be trusted, Sirius lay with his head on Remus’ long legs and smiled conspiratorially. In spite of fear and distrust, he held him and kissed his hand. Gently caressed his mouth and groaned his name night after night.

When Remus had to disappear again and again because of some orders from the Order and got information outside, he did not doubt for a second."He is not a spy. Just believe me.", he said to James, who gave him a sad smile.

When Sirius killed the first Death Eaters, he lay long beside Remus, who kissed his back and spoke calmly to him. _Murder. Damn, murder._ But it was war and in the war one had to kill sometimes.

When James had to hide with Lily and their little son, Harry, and Sirius persuaded his best friends to make Peter and not himself or even Remus the secret-keeper, he was as selfish as anxious.If Remus were the depositary, Voldemort would try to assassinate him. James himself was just a 20 years old guy, no boy, no man and already a father and husband.But Sirius had become selfish because love and fear.

 When they were dead, and he lived and Peter, their friend, had betrayed them all, he spoke softly to himself, “I solemnly swear I'm up to no good”.He knew that he would murder his former friend. He could not cry, not scream. He had no other idea than revenge in his head, he had not thought, as always.

When Remus heard that his best, ONLY, friends were dead and Sirius was in Azkaban and Harry was with his aunt, he broke down.

Whimpering, howling, screaming, roaring like a wounded animal, he cursed him. Cursed the hands, the lips, the body he still loved so much and the gentle voice he could still hear. And cursed himself because he could not believe that Sirius had betrayed them all and Remus cursed himself because he still longed for Sirius.

When Sirius spent twelve years in Azkaban, he thought of him. Day by day. Of Remus, his voice, his smell, his skin, his laughter, his hands and again and again he looked at the tattoo and suffered in agony every full moon.

When he saw "Sirius Black" on the map of the Marauders, he did not know whether his heart wanted to burst from longing or from hate.

When he read "Peter Pettigrew," the name of his dead friend, his head rushed, bile rose into his mouth and he doubted for the first time in years.

When he held Remus, like in the old days, in the shack, he wanted to break. Finally, no longer be strong.

Oh, he had changed so much. But the eyes, those eyes, thought Sirius and felt again like the eleven-year-old boy, who had compared the eyes with his cousins.

When, after such a long time, he took his friend's arm and breathed the unmistakable smell, tears swelled in his eyes, “Moony, your scent. Merlin, you smell so good!”

"You've grown old.” Remus had said and looked at him. Beauty and youth had long since disappeared and nothing, except the eyes and the barking laughter, pointed out that he really was Sirius Black.

 

When he saw him die, falling through the wall of mist and disappearing behind it, with a last smile on his wide lips, Moony also died. The boy he had once been. For now there was no one to remember him, Moony.

When Sirius saw Remus die in the last battle, he received him with open arms. Again young and beautiful and strong, with a loud, warm laugh and a long longing kiss. “My Moony, where were you only so long?”


End file.
